To My Favorite Right Kind of Wrong

 I just wanna make peace with my past and so this is for you, my greatest heartbreak.

The day that we finally broke up is probably one of the most memorable milestones of us being US. Not towards to forever but towards the end. Our end. I was broken, I was left with heart shattered into a million pieces. Just like what I've said before, you're holding a gun pointing right at me and I was just trusting you not to pull the trigger, but you did. Whenever you got a chance, you always pulled the trigger.

The day I still tried to fix everything, the day I just took my chances and bravely asked you if we can still fix it, I knew about the possibility that it won't turn out the way I wanted it to. I knew that you might give me an answer I wasn't hoping to hear from you. And, that's what happened. I asked you if you still love me and you gave me an answer that sent shivers down my spine. Those— were the most hurtful words I've ever heard from someone who meant the world to me. I was really caught off guard. I didn't see that one coming. I wasn't prepared at all. NOT.AT.ALL. 

We were doing great or so I thought. That day I couldn't cry; I wished I could but when you needed something the most, life will play its tricks on you and mess it all up. I was hurt and relieved at the same time. I was relieved cuz i got an answer. No what ifs, no questions left unanswered. And at least i know i tried. That was the bravest thing I've done so far. You made me feel how a downfall feels like. I told myself i'm gonna give it a week to grieve, to mourn, to feel all the pain, go through the process and embrace every moment. The good, the bad, the loneliest days, the erratic emotions and whatever shit i'll feel and my gerd, that was a hellish process. But i made it through.

I just wanted to tell you that I’m okay now. I'm so okay now. I think of you once in a while. I prayed for you every night after the break up, that may you find what you're looking for in life. I wasn't mad, baby. I was never mad at you and I’ll never be mad at you for whatever happened. Choosing yourself is never wrong. We hurt people when we choose ourselves but it's never wrong.

You're one of my favorite parts of my life and I thank you for introducing me to so many things and teaching me of how I should live my life according to me. You made me love my life and for that I am grateful. I want you to know that I'll always be a friend and if people are laughing at your dreams, I want you to remember that you must do things even when people don't see what you see in them; and that someone believes in you. I'll support your dreams no matter how crazy and twisted they get, baby, cuz I believe in you. I'll always be here for you to give you a little push and hand you a cig when life's being a bitch and you want to pause.. I'll be the best second hand smoker that you've ever known. You can count on me on that cuz that's what friends do..

Lastly, you're once my silver lining, you made me believe that I AM WORTH SOMETHING. Being with you was one helluva roller coaster ride and I can't picture anybody riding it with. We often forget to thank each other for the wonderful beginning cuz we fucked up the ending. But right now, I want to thank you for it. For the wonderful beginning we've had. Please don't forget our adventures. The few amazing memories we've created. Set them aside somewhere, but don't forget them. If I can go back to where we started, I will. I'll re-learn this lesson all over again.

You are and forever will be my favorite right kind of wrong, baby. And this is my final act of love.. good luck!! :) :)